Realism

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Wanna listen instead of read? check out:

http://www.buzzsprout.com/144178

Hopefully you heard/read the last topic on Encouragement and are now tuning in to get the latest from me on realistic goals. If you haven’t heard the Encouragement podcast I encourage you to go take a listen and come back to this one. Thanks for listening this is CheRae on the Way where I am in no position to help anyone else so I am documenting and sharing the ways I am helping myself, to hopefully help someone else. Crazy right?

Alright, realists are the friends that you need. ‘Future you’ loves realists, current you will almost always see them as party poopers. They are the people that will tell you that maybe your girlfriend isn’t right for you and that maybe you should go to the gym to help with your anger issues.  Those friends. So how much stake should we put in our realistic friends’ opinions? 

The quote from uncertain origins (either Chinese proverb or early 1900s magazine) says “The person who says it cannot be done, should not interrupt the person who is doing it.” Some versions of this vary but the premise is the same. Determine what your friend’s motivations are first. If they seem to be to get you to eventually quit all together then maybe seek some encouragement elsewhere. Or if they are only poking holes in your plan in some areas they may just be getting you to think it all the way through and yes you should listen to them.

The next step in goal creation is being realistic about it. I wasn’t really sure how my podcast would play out but I know that sometimes my full time job requires crazy hours and I probably wouldn’t be able to devote a lot of time to making podcasts. Also one of my goals is to get a degree soon and schoolwork with a full time job will definitely not allow for an everyday podcast.  But I may be able to post bi weekly or even monthly. Realistic goals. I plan to keep them. Will I? Who knows but I hope I do.

My next realistic goal that I need to accomplish is that if I plan to get my degree I have got to get better at math. So my amazing boyfriend got me math books and is willing to stoop down to my basic math level and help me. He is a chemical engineer by the way so he is really good with numbers. In addition, I would also like to become a regular after work gym goer. I am privileged to have a free gym and a smart boyfriend on hand to help with these two goals but I must still be realistic about time commitments and my own willpower. So let me say this you may not have someone to help you and you may not have a free gym or free anything given to you. But I want you to know that your success will mean that much more. Please don’t succeed in silence post the days you knock out 5 pushups in the morning before work and the nights where you watched a 3 minute Youtube video on how to solve simple algebraic equations. These are the little successes that matter when you are bettering yourself. If the odds are against you that is even more reason to try to succeed extravagantly and watch the world stare in awe of you.

When someone points out an obstacle in the way of your goal they could just be a realist, and you that obstacle although is not a reason to quit is something to take in to consideration.

I have started tracking all my expenses on an excel spreadsheet hoping to do it for all of 2018, but the realist in me is saying let’s just try and do it completely and honestly for a month. I got the idea from the Optimal Finance Daily podcast. Please check that one out as well, the podcast reads from financial blogs who have the experience to keep you financially smart and the podcasts are short 5-8 minutes. Maybe that’s an advantage to you I tend to always want more of that awesome podcast. Check it out! And then check back in with me to see how I am coming along with my finance tracking. I’m CheRae and I’m on my way.

Supporting Documents:

https://quoteinvestigator.com/2015/01/26/doing/  

3 minute math                  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Qz1Ge8sLXY

10 minute workout

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGQyDHpvScE

Unwittingly destroying the future

January 1, 2018 check out the podcast by copying and pasting or clicking the link below It's only ood for 90 days!

http://www.buzzsprout.com/144178

Also, don't judge me too hard I totally get the web address for my blog wrong. I even SPELL it out, wrong. Great start to 2018, No one is perfect! Well I am learning everyday. Thanks for joining me as I go on my way!

As mentioned in the episode here are some links that keep the conversation and topic going:

http://uk.businessinsider.com/successful-people-who-failed-at-first-2015-7/#lt-disney-was-fired-from-the-kansas-city-star-because-his-editor-felt-he-lacked-imagination-and-had-no-good-ideas-1

https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/failure

http://www.apa.org/education/ce/psychology-encouragement.pdf  

Can't listen right now here is the text:

January 1^st! and the first podcast of Rae on the Way! Okay so that sounds dramatic but here is my premise. If you kill the excitement someone has to create you are denying the future of great possibilities. This is assuming of course that the idea does not harm anyone. Including the person whose idea it is. If the idea is self harming it is just as bad or maybe worse. There was an experience lately where someone shared a very vulnerable and risky idea with someone she thought she could trust. The other person listened while he busied himself with other menial tasks, but made sure to make eye contact throughout. Then decided to respond when there was silence for a little while, “So what would you call this podcast?” it was a flat drab tone that clearly said that he didn’t think it was a good idea. She shrunk a little with her shoulder folding in, and shrunk to nothing inside. She gathered the courage to speak, “Well, I don’t know yet, but, I think that I would talk about things that could possibly help people.” Then there was silence, nothing but silence, as he decided to scroll through his phone. No other comments were given. So she decided to go to sleep, and realized that maybe her idea was not such a good one.

 Now you may be thinking “I am sure her podcast may have been okay but if the world goes without it I doubt the future would be destroyed.” You are right. But now we will never know. I postulate for you the idea of when Edison was inventing the lightbulb if his wife had walked in on him on the 200^th time attempting to get the lightbulb to work. Edison with an inventive excitement stands up and exclaims “Next time for sure!” His wife looks at him, does not smile, and nods very melancholy. Then leaves the room. Would Edison still have sat down and tried again? I hope so. But psychology seems to tell us something different. In this completely fictional story of Edison and his wife there is a critical moment where encouragement was needed and it wasn’t received. So let’s start with the idea of encouragement, and find out why we need it. Brainyquote.com quotes Thomas Edison as saying “I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

                                                                                                                                       

Oxford Dictionary

Encouragement - The action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope.

Persuasion to continue something.

The act of trying to simulate the development of an activity , state, or belief.

I personally think that the last definition is why encouragement is so important to me. Because it stimulates a belief in that person. If that person brings up an idea and it is denounced as stupid or not acknowledged at all then they will not continue to even try to contribute to the world. They have been given the belief that their ideas do not matter and that their ideas are somehow less than worthy of being heard. When you are telling a child that they can be a Cowboy, astronaut, motorcycle rider when they grow up, you are encouraging their willingness to pursue their dreams. What’s the worst that could happen? They either actually become a Cowboy-astronaut-motorcycle rider or they will ride their motorcycle to astronomy class while farming cattle on the weekend. Or more realistically they will start school and realize they like one particular subject more than the others and pursue that.

But let’s play devil’s advocate, the reason some people are hesitant to encourage people is because they don’t want them to be disappointed. Or maybe they fear what was earlier mentioned that they may harm themselves or others. The last I think no one can argue that that is a good call. But if that is your fear, I would suggest attempting to encourage the good parts of their idea. Maybe you can encourage taking some astronaut classes first, then some cowboy classes after if the kid id still interested. You are encouraging while still allowing them to pursue their dreams. Sometimes people have to pursue their dreams in a different way than they expected but it doesn’t mean their idea is stupid. The person who wants to open a restaurant should probably start with selling food online and to friends and neighbors then save up for a food stand, then a food truck, then a maybe a restaurant. Most great ideas cannot happen overnight and as long as the person who has the idea understands that, then there shouldn’t be any problem.

In response to the avoiding disappointment reason. I say never shield yourself from life, even the bad parts of it. Because that’s what makes the human experience awesome. Crappy times with great people create the best bonds and memories. Learning how to deal with bad times also make you a better person and more equipped for future challenges.

So back to the clickbait title, yes I think when you stifle someone’s belief in themselves they begin to stop trying new things. They stop creating because they feel their ideas are stupid. They stop trying because last time they failed and no one encouraged them to go on. What great leaders are we missing out on because someone was discouraging? Take a look at the link when you get a chance to see all the famous people who failed spectacularly. If no one encouraged them to go on, or if they didn’t encourage themselves to go on, then the world would be a very different place. Encourage people and don’t unwittingly destroy something awesome in the future.

I am not saying that everyone has to be an encouraging bucket of smiles and “You can do it’s” we all need a reality check sometimes. If the idea in the example in the beginning was to quit her job and start talking into her Iphone microphone. Then maybe her plan needed to be fleshed out a little but offering advice on how to accomplish something is much better than just stating that the idea is bad. Also I have been on the other side where I was the one who felt like I had to tell someone their idea was not the best. So I looked for the positive:

“Pursuing your dream as an actor would be amazing and you are incredibly talented. But instead of quitting and moving to New York try making a name for yourself locally first. Then you will have a very impressive resume when you get to New York.”

Maybe the girl who wanted to start a podcast could start with journal entries of what she thinks her podcast would be about. This helps everyone involved. So in conclusion, If it is not harmful (to themselves or others) and it’s realistic then try to be encouraging. Encouragement could mean the difference between candles and lightbulbs.

I believe it is better to fail having tried than to fail to try. Because Failure is an amazing teacher.

The next episode will be about Realism. How to be realistic about your goals.