http://www.buzzsprout.com/144178
Also, don't judge me too hard I totally get the web address for my blog wrong. I even SPELL it out, wrong. Great start to 2018, No one is perfect! Well I am learning everyday. Thanks for joining me as I go on my way!
As mentioned in the episode here are some links that keep the conversation and topic going:
http://www.apa.org/education/ce/psychology-encouragement.pdf
Can't listen right now here is the text:
Can't listen right now here is the text:
January 1st! and the first podcast of Rae on the
Way! Okay so that sounds dramatic but here is my premise. If you kill the
excitement someone has to create you are denying the future of great
possibilities. This is assuming of course that the idea does not harm anyone.
Including the person whose idea it is. If the idea is self harming it is just
as bad or maybe worse. There was an experience lately where someone shared a
very vulnerable and risky idea with someone she thought she could trust. The
other person listened while he busied himself with other menial tasks, but made
sure to make eye contact throughout. Then decided to respond when there was
silence for a little while, “So what would you call this podcast?” it was a
flat drab tone that clearly said that he didn’t think it was a good idea. She
shrunk a little with her shoulder folding in, and shrunk to nothing inside. She
gathered the courage to speak, “Well, I don’t know yet, but, I think that I
would talk about things that could possibly help people.” Then there was
silence, nothing but silence, as he decided to scroll through his phone. No
other comments were given. So she decided to go to sleep, and realized that
maybe her idea was not such a good one.
Now you may be
thinking “I am sure her podcast may have been okay but if the world goes
without it I doubt the future would be destroyed.” You are right. But now we
will never know. I postulate for you the idea of when Edison was inventing the
lightbulb if his wife had walked in on him on the 200th time
attempting to get the lightbulb to work. Edison with an inventive excitement stands
up and exclaims “Next time for sure!” His wife looks at him, does not smile,
and nods very melancholy. Then leaves the room. Would Edison still have sat
down and tried again? I hope so. But psychology seems to tell us something
different. In this completely fictional story of Edison and his wife there is a
critical moment where encouragement was needed and it wasn’t received. So let’s
start with the idea of encouragement, and find out why we need it. Brainyquote.com
quotes Thomas Edison as saying “I have not failed, I have just found 10,000
ways that won’t work.”
Oxford Dictionary
Encouragement - The action of giving
someone support, confidence, or hope.
Persuasion to continue something.
The act of trying to simulate the development
of an activity , state, or belief.
I personally think that the last definition
is why encouragement is so important to me. Because it stimulates a belief in
that person. If that person brings up an idea and it is denounced as stupid or
not acknowledged at all then they will not continue to even try to contribute
to the world. They have been given the belief that their ideas do not matter
and that their ideas are somehow less than worthy of being heard. When you are
telling a child that they can be a Cowboy, astronaut, motorcycle rider when
they grow up, you are encouraging their willingness to pursue their dreams. What’s
the worst that could happen? They either actually become a Cowboy-astronaut-motorcycle
rider or they will ride their motorcycle to astronomy class while farming cattle
on the weekend. Or more realistically they will start school and realize they
like one particular subject more than the others and pursue that.
But let’s play devil’s advocate, the reason
some people are hesitant to encourage people is because they don’t want them to
be disappointed. Or maybe they fear what was earlier mentioned that they may
harm themselves or others. The last I think no one can argue that that is a
good call. But if that is your fear, I would suggest attempting to encourage
the good parts of their idea. Maybe you can encourage taking some astronaut
classes first, then some cowboy classes after if the kid id still interested.
You are encouraging while still allowing them to pursue their dreams. Sometimes
people have to pursue their dreams in a different way than they expected but it
doesn’t mean their idea is stupid. The person who wants to open a restaurant
should probably start with selling food online and to friends and neighbors
then save up for a food stand, then a food truck, then a maybe a restaurant.
Most great ideas cannot happen overnight and as long as the person who has the
idea understands that, then there shouldn’t be any problem.
In response to the avoiding disappointment
reason. I say never shield yourself from life, even the bad parts of it.
Because that’s what makes the human experience awesome. Crappy times with great
people create the best bonds and memories. Learning how to deal with bad times
also make you a better person and more equipped for future challenges.
So back to the clickbait title, yes I think
when you stifle someone’s belief in themselves they begin to stop trying new
things. They stop creating because they feel their ideas are stupid. They stop
trying because last time they failed and no one encouraged them to go on. What
great leaders are we missing out on because someone was discouraging? Take a
look at the link when you get a chance to see all the famous people who failed
spectacularly. If no one encouraged them to go on, or if they didn’t encourage
themselves to go on, then the world would be a very different place. Encourage
people and don’t unwittingly destroy something awesome in the future.
I am not saying that everyone has to be an
encouraging bucket of smiles and “You can do it’s” we all need a reality check
sometimes. If the idea in the example in the beginning was to quit her job and
start talking into her Iphone microphone. Then maybe her plan needed to be
fleshed out a little but offering advice on how to accomplish something is much
better than just stating that the idea is bad. Also I have been on the other
side where I was the one who felt like I had to tell someone their idea was not
the best. So I looked for the positive:
“Pursuing your dream as an actor would be
amazing and you are incredibly talented. But instead of quitting and moving to
New York try making a name for yourself locally first. Then you will have a
very impressive resume when you get to New York.”
Maybe the girl who wanted to start a podcast
could start with journal entries of what she thinks her podcast would be about.
This helps everyone involved. So in conclusion, If it is not harmful (to
themselves or others) and it’s realistic then try to be encouraging.
Encouragement could mean the difference between candles and lightbulbs.
I believe it is better to fail having tried than
to fail to try. Because Failure is an amazing teacher.
The next episode will be about Realism. How
to be realistic about your goals.
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