Great to be average
I am trying to do a lot right now, (hence why my postings have slowed down), but I am being haunted by every insecurity I feel like I have ever had. For a little back story, I was born average. I grew up what I thought was middle class, maybe just a little below middle class, I went to public school, I graduated high school, and I mainly got B's and C's. In case it's been awhile since you have been in school that literally translates to sometimes above average but mainly average. I didn't even graduate high school with honors (a fairly basic task). Now there are some other things in my life that are like smoke and mirrors. They make me look like I am above average on the outside, for example, I speak well, something a lot of really nice white people would not let me forget growing up. I read exceptionally well and retain obscure trivia facts. Although, aside from fun party conversation starters they tend to be fairly useless. I am good at acting and performing, and with that and 50 cents I can buy myself a 50 cent pack of gum and keep doing what I love. To be fair I did get some opportunities to perform as a job and get paid, but for the most part within the acting community that is pretty average. So why am I telling you all of these things? Because I recently became FED UP with people telling me, "Oh, I thought you had a degree? You are so smart."
I am not any less smart because of my formal education or lack there of. I am not any less responsible with money, because of my current financial state or my past financial states. So why do we belittle ourselves for not being great. I have come to the realization that being average is great. Now don't be confused, this is not a stop trying to be great, settle for average post. This post is a "if you try your best and come up average don't fret" post.
Shoot for the moon and even if you miss you land among the stars.
Food for thought, think of all the amazing people in the news and they will always idolize being normal/average. Being average is not bad it's relate-able and it makes your successes that much more awesome. Why else, would Jennifer Lawrence, Anna Kendrick, and other celebrities set their talent next to their normal selves. Let that sink in. Amazingly talented people idolize being average. They idolized me. Stars idolize you. Now if that's not something to get you up in the morning and start living your best average life you better do that. Why is this post important to me? Because if I don't get into the top college and don't get a high end degree and end up average, I hope I can remind myself that sometimes average is okay. Average, keeps our cars running, average keeps us entertained, average goes to the Walmart parking lot and talks for hours with good friends in deep conversation. Average people change the world, by doing average things that extraodinary people take for granted. Like after a long day of being exceptional they are still able to get a burger from an average person working a late/early shift. Thank you average people. Keep being awesomely average.
CheRae
Growth as an actor and as a human being are synonymous
Tuesday, April 24, 2018
Sunday, April 1, 2018
Dealing with Death
Death is something no one wants to deal with and yet we all will inevitably have to at some point.
I am Rae, and on this life journey I had to deal with death from a personal perspective, a child's perspective, a family members perspective and I am by no means an expert on the subject but I wanted to share what I have learned. Which is literally the premise of this whole blog..Me, being in no position to help you so I just let you know how I am journeying through fixing myself. I'm Rae and I am on the way.
Let's talk about Death. I have known parents who will avoid the subject of death all together, saying that their kids are not ready. Using excuses that fluffy the dog ran away or bubbles the goldfish went to grandma's house. Although I am not going to tell you how to raise your children if you have them, I would like to put the idea out there, that hiding them from the world may not be preparing them for the world. Death will not wait for anyone to be ready before it shows up. Teaching children how to handle life, not avoid it, is something that I think would come in handy. I have come to this conclusion because I encounter adults all the time who cant handle death, even though it is an inevitable part of everyone's life. There are religions who offer insight into what happens after death but dealing with the death itself is also important.
I was speaking to someone this past week and they had recently lost someone close to them. They put off celebrating their birthday so close to the date of the passing of their loved one. But I had another way to look at this situation. I thought wouldn't that loved one want to see them living their life to the fullest. And I know it sounds so cliche but seriously, if it was me who died and I came back to see what my loved ones were doing and I realized that they were all just depressed and stopped eating and showering, etc. I would feel horrible. Of course there is the other side to this as well, the side that deals with the fact that everyone wants to be missed and acknowledging that fact is okay. I think it would be naive to say that if the day after you died, everyone threw a huge party and didn't even mention your name. I think that a fair middle ground of acknowledging the situation and honoring the person along with living your best life. Those things are also not mutually exclusive. You can honor someone's memory by living your best life. Ever get a little teary eyed when the American Idol contestant or Oscar winner mentions a person's name and points to the sky. It gets me every time and they are definitely honoring that person and making them proud.
I will occasionally have weird moments where I myself will think about if I were to die right now, what would happen. Not in an existential way, I actually am pretty content with that, but in an immediate way. I hate pain and can only hope that pain is minimal when my time comes. but a little less morbid and a lot more hopeful is my thoughts on legacy. I wonder what I would leave behind. Had a made a positive impact with the short time I had on earth? Did I get to make the world a little bit better even if it is a small difference. As Lin Manuel Miranda writes in his hit musical Hamilton-
How to talk to children about death
http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/talking_with_young_children_about_death.html
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLNGUEXuW-w
Hamilton musical
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/7882391-legacy-what-is-a-legacy-it-s-planting-seeds-in-a
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hamilton_(musical)
I am Rae, and on this life journey I had to deal with death from a personal perspective, a child's perspective, a family members perspective and I am by no means an expert on the subject but I wanted to share what I have learned. Which is literally the premise of this whole blog..Me, being in no position to help you so I just let you know how I am journeying through fixing myself. I'm Rae and I am on the way.
Let's talk about Death. I have known parents who will avoid the subject of death all together, saying that their kids are not ready. Using excuses that fluffy the dog ran away or bubbles the goldfish went to grandma's house. Although I am not going to tell you how to raise your children if you have them, I would like to put the idea out there, that hiding them from the world may not be preparing them for the world. Death will not wait for anyone to be ready before it shows up. Teaching children how to handle life, not avoid it, is something that I think would come in handy. I have come to this conclusion because I encounter adults all the time who cant handle death, even though it is an inevitable part of everyone's life. There are religions who offer insight into what happens after death but dealing with the death itself is also important.
I was speaking to someone this past week and they had recently lost someone close to them. They put off celebrating their birthday so close to the date of the passing of their loved one. But I had another way to look at this situation. I thought wouldn't that loved one want to see them living their life to the fullest. And I know it sounds so cliche but seriously, if it was me who died and I came back to see what my loved ones were doing and I realized that they were all just depressed and stopped eating and showering, etc. I would feel horrible. Of course there is the other side to this as well, the side that deals with the fact that everyone wants to be missed and acknowledging that fact is okay. I think it would be naive to say that if the day after you died, everyone threw a huge party and didn't even mention your name. I think that a fair middle ground of acknowledging the situation and honoring the person along with living your best life. Those things are also not mutually exclusive. You can honor someone's memory by living your best life. Ever get a little teary eyed when the American Idol contestant or Oscar winner mentions a person's name and points to the sky. It gets me every time and they are definitely honoring that person and making them proud.
I will occasionally have weird moments where I myself will think about if I were to die right now, what would happen. Not in an existential way, I actually am pretty content with that, but in an immediate way. I hate pain and can only hope that pain is minimal when my time comes. but a little less morbid and a lot more hopeful is my thoughts on legacy. I wonder what I would leave behind. Had a made a positive impact with the short time I had on earth? Did I get to make the world a little bit better even if it is a small difference. As Lin Manuel Miranda writes in his hit musical Hamilton-
“Legacy. What is a legacy? It’s planting seeds in a garden you never get to see.” and that "you have no control. Who lives, who dies, who tells your story." This was super inspiring and the entire shows premise of live like you are running out of time. It is definitely food for thought and I think everyone should figure out or begin the journey to figure out what their mark on this earth will be. Will you be the one who brought joy to someone else? Or will you be the one who invents something to propel us into the future? Whoever you are I am so thankful you are here. I hope I can leave something behind on this journey called life. I am CheRae and I am on the way.
How to talk to children about death
http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/talking_with_young_children_about_death.html
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLNGUEXuW-w
Hamilton musical
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/7882391-legacy-what-is-a-legacy-it-s-planting-seeds-in-a
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hamilton_(musical)
Friday, March 16, 2018
Age and Friendship
Welcome to Rae on the Way where I am in no position to help you so I am taking you on a journey as I fix myself.
Honest moment, I tend to be a little age-is, judging someone based on their age. I am optimistic towards children, they are the future and they are not fully corrupted yet. And old people they have put in their time and get my respect by default, let's be real. But, when it comes to hanging out with young folk, the teens to young adult age, I tend to judge.
Why are you dancing like you grown? Stop making out with that person in the street, there are children around? Please stop yelling for no reason in this restaurant. Stealing is not funny. Being difficult to servers does not make you cool. And picking on one of your peers makes you look seem like a total tool.
Obviously, this does not apply to all teens. But this is exactly what I mean by judging teens. I find myself rolling my eyes at the obnoxious teens near me in the restaurant, as if I have never been excited to have a crush text me, and showed it with a squeal of excitement. I shake y head at their weird style and culture choices, because they aren't things I would do. Basically saying:
Oh my gosh be more like me!!!!!
Which in every and all cases is weird and wrong. I am such a hypocrite when it comes to teens, any other age group do you boo boo!! If you want to wear your diaper around the house and dance, enjoy it while you can, baby. If you want to wear mumu's everywhere rock that grandma. But teen if you want to wear your hair crazy for whatever reason it annoys me. I think teens have become the "we love to hate" age group. That's not fair to them. So, I want to apologize.
For discriminating against a group of people merely because of their age. I have learned from all of my friends, from every age group. So let's go through the things I love:
Honest moment, I tend to be a little age-is, judging someone based on their age. I am optimistic towards children, they are the future and they are not fully corrupted yet. And old people they have put in their time and get my respect by default, let's be real. But, when it comes to hanging out with young folk, the teens to young adult age, I tend to judge.
Why are you dancing like you grown? Stop making out with that person in the street, there are children around? Please stop yelling for no reason in this restaurant. Stealing is not funny. Being difficult to servers does not make you cool. And picking on one of your peers makes you look seem like a total tool.
Obviously, this does not apply to all teens. But this is exactly what I mean by judging teens. I find myself rolling my eyes at the obnoxious teens near me in the restaurant, as if I have never been excited to have a crush text me, and showed it with a squeal of excitement. I shake y head at their weird style and culture choices, because they aren't things I would do. Basically saying:
Oh my gosh be more like me!!!!!
Which in every and all cases is weird and wrong. I am such a hypocrite when it comes to teens, any other age group do you boo boo!! If you want to wear your diaper around the house and dance, enjoy it while you can, baby. If you want to wear mumu's everywhere rock that grandma. But teen if you want to wear your hair crazy for whatever reason it annoys me. I think teens have become the "we love to hate" age group. That's not fair to them. So, I want to apologize.
For discriminating against a group of people merely because of their age. I have learned from all of my friends, from every age group. So let's go through the things I love:
Kids:
My favorite thing about them, dreaming is ok and having fun is never embarrassing. I can't tell you how many times I have missed out on fun things because I was concerned of what people would think of me. Now....I come back from events and talk about why I loved it and other people say "hmm...maybe I will go next time." The most recent ocurrance of this is going to a group mental health workshop for communication. It's pretty awesome and some people are interested in going now.
Also, SOAP BOX moment!!
If you are one of those people who make fun of people in clubs for dancing. How miserable do you have to be to make fun of someone for DANCING in a place that is meant to be DANCED in. You are way too focused on other people and can go count sand on a beach. Let them live their life and maybe think about why you can’t have fun without making fun of other people. Because that’s sad.
Segway back to the point:
Kids will dance how they want and without any music. Dance! I remember when I use to nanny I could hear the 2 year old, singing everything and anything like "Can I haaaaave a snaaaaack pleeease Rae Rae?" I also remember the 5 year old distinctly wearing a skirt, pants, t-shirt, tank top, jacket. There was even a kid at the bus stop who asked why she dressed like that and she said "because I want to." That is something I desire to get to that level of confidence. I am so thankful for the kids in my life that have taught me, that it doesn't matter the color of the power ranger suit they are all awesome in different ways, and learning that being pretty is sometimes a hard life to live because the pretty flowers always get picked and die. Thank you kids for all those life lessons.
My favorite thing about them, dreaming is ok and having fun is never embarrassing. I can't tell you how many times I have missed out on fun things because I was concerned of what people would think of me. Now....I come back from events and talk about why I loved it and other people say "hmm...maybe I will go next time." The most recent ocurrance of this is going to a group mental health workshop for communication. It's pretty awesome and some people are interested in going now.
Also, SOAP BOX moment!!
If you are one of those people who make fun of people in clubs for dancing. How miserable do you have to be to make fun of someone for DANCING in a place that is meant to be DANCED in. You are way too focused on other people and can go count sand on a beach. Let them live their life and maybe think about why you can’t have fun without making fun of other people. Because that’s sad.
Segway back to the point:
Kids will dance how they want and without any music. Dance! I remember when I use to nanny I could hear the 2 year old, singing everything and anything like "Can I haaaaave a snaaaaack pleeease Rae Rae?" I also remember the 5 year old distinctly wearing a skirt, pants, t-shirt, tank top, jacket. There was even a kid at the bus stop who asked why she dressed like that and she said "because I want to." That is something I desire to get to that level of confidence. I am so thankful for the kids in my life that have taught me, that it doesn't matter the color of the power ranger suit they are all awesome in different ways, and learning that being pretty is sometimes a hard life to live because the pretty flowers always get picked and die. Thank you kids for all those life lessons.
Teens:
The dreaded group. They are loud, they are hardheaded, entitled, they are cocky, they are....human. They are learning to deal with a complicated world, trying to find a way to be themselves and be socially acceptable. And if they decide they don’t care about being socially acceptable, we judge them for not changing their lives to make the rest of us comfortable. Sure, let's all SH** on the teens for believing that they can be whoever they want to be. We shame them for thinking they can change the world, we call them naive for wanting jobs they will enjoy, and if they prefer puppies over babies we tell them they will be the death of humanity, and if they start having babies we tell them they are horrible parents and them raising other people will be the death of humanity. You can't win teens Take from someone who used to hate you. prejudice doesn't make sense don't ever try to change to please a bigot.
If you are not harming anyone, find out who you are! Explore! Experiment! And I will be the first to apologize to you for judging. Experimenting with hair, clothes, make up, sports, sex, sociability, and fun. I think of kids as the unashamed age, I think of teens as the exploration stage. If you have always wanted to be a black belt, go get it! but I challenge you to explore your reasons for wanting it. When you explore have a reason for trying it. Maybe you are trying to build your self confidence (that was my main goal as a teen), maybe you are trying to change or create your image. Do you want people to instantly look at you and think artist, badass, soldier, CEO, or maybe you want to ambiguous and leave people questioning to make you the most interesting person in the room. Don't let adults like me make you think we have it all figured out. We are just as lost, that's why we wander down target aisles looking for purpose disguised as graham crackers, that will inevitably end up on the floor. Or look for yoga mats that will be the launch pad for our self worth. Adults are still experimenting too.
I won't say that you will or won't make the world a better place, but those who say it can't be done shouldn't interrupt those doing it.
Teens, you have taught me to be aware of the things in my life that I am also figuring out for myself. I wouldn't want someone to judge me as I figure out at 27 that when you snap your fingers it's not the friction between the two fingers that make the sound. yeah, it's definitely your middle finger hitting your palm. Awkward for me. But I get it teens, society and I could cut you a little slack.
The dreaded group. They are loud, they are hardheaded, entitled, they are cocky, they are....human. They are learning to deal with a complicated world, trying to find a way to be themselves and be socially acceptable. And if they decide they don’t care about being socially acceptable, we judge them for not changing their lives to make the rest of us comfortable. Sure, let's all SH** on the teens for believing that they can be whoever they want to be. We shame them for thinking they can change the world, we call them naive for wanting jobs they will enjoy, and if they prefer puppies over babies we tell them they will be the death of humanity, and if they start having babies we tell them they are horrible parents and them raising other people will be the death of humanity. You can't win teens Take from someone who used to hate you. prejudice doesn't make sense don't ever try to change to please a bigot.
If you are not harming anyone, find out who you are! Explore! Experiment! And I will be the first to apologize to you for judging. Experimenting with hair, clothes, make up, sports, sex, sociability, and fun. I think of kids as the unashamed age, I think of teens as the exploration stage. If you have always wanted to be a black belt, go get it! but I challenge you to explore your reasons for wanting it. When you explore have a reason for trying it. Maybe you are trying to build your self confidence (that was my main goal as a teen), maybe you are trying to change or create your image. Do you want people to instantly look at you and think artist, badass, soldier, CEO, or maybe you want to ambiguous and leave people questioning to make you the most interesting person in the room. Don't let adults like me make you think we have it all figured out. We are just as lost, that's why we wander down target aisles looking for purpose disguised as graham crackers, that will inevitably end up on the floor. Or look for yoga mats that will be the launch pad for our self worth. Adults are still experimenting too.
I won't say that you will or won't make the world a better place, but those who say it can't be done shouldn't interrupt those doing it.
Teens, you have taught me to be aware of the things in my life that I am also figuring out for myself. I wouldn't want someone to judge me as I figure out at 27 that when you snap your fingers it's not the friction between the two fingers that make the sound. yeah, it's definitely your middle finger hitting your palm. Awkward for me. But I get it teens, society and I could cut you a little slack.
Adults:
I love my adult friends, most are parents, lots are professionals, and some are both. As an adult without children I appreciate the grind I see my friends put out everyday. Even the non parents that juggling school, work, relationships, volunteering and changing the world! This is our time to grind! We are the ones who have realized that our dreams impact others and sometimes we have to change or alter them. It can be a depressing realization. But to everyone who keeps waking up to a job they hate or a world that hurts them. I hope we can put a little more good in the world today. We may be broke, ok let’s be real a lot of us are broke...but we are going to get out of it, and we will succeed even if our success is just starting the process. I am thankful for my adult friends because we see a silver lining of financial success instead of mere sustainability. We work towards our goals, whether that is a family, career success, political change, environment protection, living our dreams or building a dream house. Adults we are supposed to have it all together, and I am thankful for the moments when I am reassured that everyone else is just fumbling through life as well. Life is hard and since none of us had a choice in whether we came into life or not, since we are here, we have to learn to navigate it. I thank you for fumbling through life and being honest about it. I thank you for supporting the woman who wants to stay home and have kids as well as the woman who wants to work and have puppies. I thank you for being the lunk in the gym that also encourages the overweight person who feels uncomfortable. Do you get it? We are at the time in life that our parents were preparing us for. Remember they said "you are our future." Well for us the future is now and I love that! Thank you for being an everyday inspiration to me.
I love my adult friends, most are parents, lots are professionals, and some are both. As an adult without children I appreciate the grind I see my friends put out everyday. Even the non parents that juggling school, work, relationships, volunteering and changing the world! This is our time to grind! We are the ones who have realized that our dreams impact others and sometimes we have to change or alter them. It can be a depressing realization. But to everyone who keeps waking up to a job they hate or a world that hurts them. I hope we can put a little more good in the world today. We may be broke, ok let’s be real a lot of us are broke...but we are going to get out of it, and we will succeed even if our success is just starting the process. I am thankful for my adult friends because we see a silver lining of financial success instead of mere sustainability. We work towards our goals, whether that is a family, career success, political change, environment protection, living our dreams or building a dream house. Adults we are supposed to have it all together, and I am thankful for the moments when I am reassured that everyone else is just fumbling through life as well. Life is hard and since none of us had a choice in whether we came into life or not, since we are here, we have to learn to navigate it. I thank you for fumbling through life and being honest about it. I thank you for supporting the woman who wants to stay home and have kids as well as the woman who wants to work and have puppies. I thank you for being the lunk in the gym that also encourages the overweight person who feels uncomfortable. Do you get it? We are at the time in life that our parents were preparing us for. Remember they said "you are our future." Well for us the future is now and I love that! Thank you for being an everyday inspiration to me.
Older:
Thank the universe for our elders. Seriously if you have no friends over the age of 60, I challenge, scratch that, I implore you to find some! But in case that doesn’t happen, here is what I have learned so far: when you want to complain about walking from bar to bar, or party to party remember that one day it won’t just be your feet hurting because of your poor shoe choice, it may be a hip. And that, you can’t trade out for some flats to make it more comfortable. Or it may be annoying to have an older sibling tease you, but when your siblings start dying, you will miss those jabs of playful insults. Save now!! Not when you are 40, not when you are 60 soon as you have money to save! Save it!! Warren buffet says: do not save what is left after spending, spend what is left after saving. Older people should have to walk around with spoiler alert stickers. Thinking of buying your first house, getting married, joining the military, staying in the military, starting a business, studying history in school.....there is an older person somewhere who could tell you how those events could possibly play out. Learn from their mistakes and their successes. Talking to someone who lived through the first time schools were integrated and listening to someone describe being at the fall of the berlin wall will always be more interesting than a textbook. And learning from them is always safer than gambling with big decisions. Thank you older people!
Thank the universe for our elders. Seriously if you have no friends over the age of 60, I challenge, scratch that, I implore you to find some! But in case that doesn’t happen, here is what I have learned so far: when you want to complain about walking from bar to bar, or party to party remember that one day it won’t just be your feet hurting because of your poor shoe choice, it may be a hip. And that, you can’t trade out for some flats to make it more comfortable. Or it may be annoying to have an older sibling tease you, but when your siblings start dying, you will miss those jabs of playful insults. Save now!! Not when you are 40, not when you are 60 soon as you have money to save! Save it!! Warren buffet says: do not save what is left after spending, spend what is left after saving. Older people should have to walk around with spoiler alert stickers. Thinking of buying your first house, getting married, joining the military, staying in the military, starting a business, studying history in school.....there is an older person somewhere who could tell you how those events could possibly play out. Learn from their mistakes and their successes. Talking to someone who lived through the first time schools were integrated and listening to someone describe being at the fall of the berlin wall will always be more interesting than a textbook. And learning from them is always safer than gambling with big decisions. Thank you older people!
UPDATE:
I tracked ALL my spending and this month it paid off. I noticed a almost $70 charge on Amazon in Canada! I was so excited. Worked with my bank and got it all worked out very quickly. I also have been able to notice trend analysis in my spending habits. Thanks to Optimal Finance Daily. Please go check out that site and awesome podcast out. I am in no position to be offering advice on finances, so let me offer you the resources that I am using to change my financial situation for the better. Links below!
Follow your arrow song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQ8xqyoZXCc brainless Financial planning
https://www.mint.com/
Optimal Finance Daily
http://oldpodcast.com/category/optimalfinancedaily/
Learn about money for FREE
https://www.smartaboutmoney.org/
Warren Buffet advice
https://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/warren-buffetts-6-best-money-tips-for-2016-and-beyond.html
Friday, March 2, 2018
Valentines and Black History month
On Feb 28, 2018 The podcast of Rae on the way Episode 4 was released. CheRae on the way is a blog and podcast where I am in no position to help you so I am taking you along this journey as I fix myself.
To hear the podcast for 90 days from 28 FEB go to
To hear the podcast for 90 days from 28 FEB go to
http://www.buzzsprout.com/144178
February had a lot going on, Valentine’s day, Black history month, and the Rae on the way theme of failure. So first I want to talk about Black history month because I feel a lot of people just don’t get it.
And that’s fine.
Other people get it and completely disagree with it.
That is also fine.
And then there are people like me who love it, look forward to it and can’t wait to share new information and learn new facts for themselves. Wherever you stand on the opinion of the month I wanted to share where I stand.
I consider Black history month a time to acknowledge one part of what makes America what it is today.
With all its trials and tribulations I love America. I think that is something important to say, because I feel we have reached a point in time where if you don't think your nation is perfect, it means you hate your country. That's not true. I like to think of it like a relationship with a sibling; you definitely won't always like them, you’re going to disagree with some of the things they do, they might even break your heart and make you sad sometimes, but ultimately you want to fight for them and see them be the best version of them they can be.
I believe a common thought process when you disagree with someone is that they don't care about you or something that you do care about. I challenge you to consider that whoever is on the opposite end of the spectrum from your beliefs, that they do not hate America or don't care as much as you. Instead, consider they care just as much as you, but have come to a different solution on how to fix it. I think that realization could be a turning point if we start looking at things in that perspective. For example if I said I believe that black history month is a chance to acknowledge one portion of american history and not a time to inflate one race over another, which all the heritage months should be about. It’s good (in my opinion) to sometimes take a microscope and look at all the little pieces that make this American tapestry beautiful.
This may seem like an off the wall topic, but I chose to write about it because in my personal experience I’ve known a couple people to say that they don’t usually pay attention to Black history month because it doesn’t affect them, it’s not about them and/or they don’t see the point of it. I counter those beliefs with the notion that knowing American history is important. So when we have a month to highlight a small portion of American history it matters to us all.
One story I would like to share with you all for black history month is about the 25th bicycle infantry that happened in the Spanish American war of the 19th century. This infantry Battalion was a group of all African-American individuals who were given bicycles to track from Montana to Missouri and they had to go up mountains and cross streams. They had to ride, push or carry a 55 pound bike and this is before gears were invented. The reason they had to do this was to test out a possible alternative form of transportation for the US Army.
I love this story because it shows resilience and is very inspirational. But let’s be fair to the way someone else may interpret this story. If you’re not African-American it is possible to look and say look at what white people put those soldiers through and look at how they didn’t care if they lived or died. This paints white people as the villain in history and I don’t want to be painted as the villain in history. That is a fair assessment, and I agree that no one wants to be demonized. With that said, I challenge you to take a moment and think that maybe it isn't about you. And that sounds horrible and it may sound like I’m coming from my high horse, I want to make sure you know, I as well, am guilty of thinking things are about me. This egocentric point of view is normal, don't worry you are not a bad person but we all should be aware of these tendencies.
An example of me when I was guilty of ego-centrism, is when I was complaining in the car about how people won't let me pass and I realized that when I would go to pass someone, I would get in the next lane over and they would speed up to my speed so I couldn't pass. That really annoyed me because I was confident that the only reason people were speeding up was because they were going slow and felt everyone on the road should be going below the speed limit with them. Then it dawned on me that maybe what they’re doing has absolutely nothing to do with me. Maybe, when I got over into the next lane to pass the other car, they realized that they were going slower than they intended and they were just getting up to their own desired speed and didn't realize that I was trying to get over. Maybe their intention had absolutely nothing to do with keeping me from passing but my egocentric view definitely had me thinking that it was about me.
Now bringing us back on topic, I think that if you look at history and you see that it’s painting you as the bad guy maybe for a moment think that we’re not celebrating the negative, but praising the strength in spite of it. This month shouldn't be about targeting a group of people but honoring the strength of America and American history. And yes sometimes in history America is black. Sometimes in history America has red hair. Sometimes America has blue eyes. Sometimes in history America has slanted eyes. Sometimes in history America eats ravioli and sometimes in history America eats mac & cheese and fried chicken. We can celebrate all of these things that make America what it is, but it’s a lot to cover. So sometimes we break it up into months sometimes we break it up into weeks and sometimes it’s disguised as a US government and civics class in high school but sometimes things get left out, and that’s where we come in. That’s why we carry on our families traditions, we carry on our heritage and teach others. That’s why I love black history month and other cultural months. And I hope if this month offends you think of it as a chance to hear another side of American history, not something distant from you or irrelevant to you. Because that’s how we get from us and them, to loving again.
Speaking of love it was also Valentine’s, a day I use hate, but now I take as an opportunity to be about whatever I love. The hobbies I love, self care, like facials, and Netflix marathons, going to the gym or learning a new skill. Loving yourself should not be the last thing you think about. And again I only say this because I always put myself last. And every self help advocate would say don’t do this. But I find living for others brings me joy. I also found that moderation in everything is key. So I try to remember to take care of myself because pouring from an empty cup is never beneficial. So if you hate Valentine’s Day and think of it more as singles awareness day remember how awesome you are and treat yo self. Even if you're broke, jam to your favorite music, write a letter to yourself, or your future child or a parent. Don’t make Valentine’s Day a depressing thing. Love yourself.
With that said I am taking advantage of an opportunity I had to speak to a therapist. And I know most people associate therapy with something being wrong with me, well I don’t feel like anything is wrong with me, but I do want to take advantage of the opportunity that I was given. I want to destroy this stigma of going to therapists makes you weak or crazy. Youtuber Anna Akana does it and she loves sharing her stories about her therapists advice, and about how the stigma of talking to therapists is unnecessary. In addition, so many celebrities do it just for someone to check in with. And if you can’t afford it, there are online sources making chat services where you talk to therapists super cheap. Links below!
Thank for reading. Tune in the at the beginning and end of the month and I’ll take you along for the ride. I’m Rae and I am on the way.
Bicycle Corps
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bicycle_infantry
Anna Akana
https://www.youtube.com/user/AnnaAkana
Chat Therapist website
https://www.talkspace.com/
Thursday, February 1, 2018
Failure February
February 1st podcast hear it here:
Welcome to CheRae on the Way, where I am in no position to
give you advice, so I am taking you on a journey of me fixing myself. It is
February and this podcast started as a new year’s resolution to better myself
and leave something in the world that wasn’t there before. But being realistic,
what the last blog/podcast was about, I know new year’s resolutions do not
always work out the way we think. I am being honest enough to admit that I am
changing my one post a month goal to two posts a month, because I have so many
thoughts, and it forces me to see and hear my goals and faults. So I am excited
to challenge myself with this new goal. Now the changes to my resolutions were
not always seemingly positive. I also have taken some before pictures for my
work out goals, and have failed to set a predictable schedule that I can stick
to. That change to my goal of working out at least 3 times a week is not a good
one but am I working out more? Yes, was it the same as my initial goal, no. But
acknowledging that I have room to grow, means I have another chance to succeed.
If you are new to the podcast, which everyone is because
this is only episode three, than you probably don’t know too much about my
spending plan that I am doing. I got the idea from the podcast Optimal Finance
Daily. I strongly suggest you listen to that podcast. I am tracking all my
expenses in an excel spreadsheet and I had an amazing experience recently. I
went to put an expense in my expense tracker and it was already there. Good
practices becoming habit. Yay me! I am surprised and happy for my successes
with my goals, but know that failure is inevitable. For example while I had
success with one expense I also forgot to account for another reoccurring
expense. And am still short for some required bills. Meaning I am living
paycheck to paycheck. I am learning. Tracking my expenses makes me think twice
before buying things, because I know I will have to put it in later, and having
it glaring back at me on my computer makes me want to avoid inputting withdraws.
I also make expenses red, a color that psychologically says bad to me. So that expenses
are mostly necessities not frivolities. I am still failing at that, because
date nights with friends are important to me. So I try to do them and spend
very little. But the ultimate goal is to only go out when I have the money to
that. Not like I have $100 so I can spend $50. I need to start creating a
constant and reliable cushion of at least $300. Then maybe I can get a savings
of at least $2000 like the financial advisor told me. Well I am working on
getting my house rented out, I am also relearning math so I can get back into
school, and I got a good reliable job with opportunity for advancement and
sometimes it’s fulfilling work. So I wanted to share that so you know that these
are steps I am taking not just empty dreams but goals because I have a plan to
reach them.
As for my fitness goals. I fell off the gym routine fairly
quickly, and failure was a possible result. So I started doing squats in the
kitchen, and walking between buildings I would normally drive to at work. But if I keep pushing myself, I am going to learn
to love going to the gym. I have to find the good in my failures. No gym means,
learning to at home workouts. Forgotten expense means starting the expense
tracker was a good idea.
There is no better way to find the good in a bad situation
than to find a positive spin on a hard situation. For example for almost every
struggle there is another version of it used to seek enlightenment. Take
hunger. One person’s plight and anguish is what another does voluntarily to
gain a clear mind or better health or maybe even religious benefits. When you
can’t buy the newest thing, remember minimalism and decluttering is changing
lives all over the world. Next time your budget is saying nothing but ramen for
the next two weeks, think of it as a time to reflect on what could be done to
make this predicament less likely in the future. Sometimes hard times are just
inevitable and in those situations learn to take the time your internet gets
shut off to discover the public library in your neighborhood. Not having gas is
a great time to enjoy a bike ride, learn what free events are in your area
(like hikes, volunteer opportunities), take odd jobs you enjoy (painting, tutoring, give lessons, babysitting,
dog sitting, house cleaning, write for contests or blogs), maybe make your limited shopping budget a chance to try a
new budget friendly meal. My favorite budget buys are rice, frozen vegetables,
canned goods, pasta, pasta sauce, and meat (chicken breast, ground beef, and
lunch meat). Of course buy the foods you like, search for OFF brand, and try to
not deprive yourself. If you are feeling tacos from your favorite restaurant
you might find it cheaper to make it yourself and have leftovers. Also you get
to make it exactly how you like it. Can’t cook? No worries, not only do cook
books help, but now there are videos on youtube that can walk you through
everything. Same principle can be applied to when your lights go out, think of
all the yoga and medication that happens in dark rooms with candles. So next
time hard times come up, have that situation make you stronger and smarter.
Learning form mistakes is crucial. Will Smith has a video out that talks about
failure in a spectacular but truthful way. One of the things that stood out to
me was the quote about the gym. How appropriate only two months into 2018?
He mentions
something along the lines of the fact that we can‘t be afraid to fail, and to
even fail often. We go to the gym with the sole purpose of failing. You work
out ‘til failure. I have heard this
principle from other fitness enthusiasts, push yourself to failure, because
failure builds muscle and gives you a goal to beat next time. I encourage you
to check out the video link below. This is the
reality of failure we all need to take into account. Especially in a social
media driven world. We can sometimes only see other’s successes and never
notice the trail of failures that got them there. One must learn to not only
embrace their failures, but look forward to them.
This is an easier said than done moment for me. I replay
embarrassing moments in my head years after they have happened. It will make me
shudder in present day for gaffs that have happened many years ago. But just
because I fail at that does not mean that I should not keep trying to build a
healthy relationship with failure. This is something that without logical steps
to achieve it seems impossible. So what could some of those steps be? I think
the first step is confidence. If you’re confident in yourself then your
failures will seem like exactly what they are, a seemingly unnoticeable
mis-stroke in a beautiful painting. When
a child is learning to walk and falls down 50 times they never think “this
isn’t for me.” I was not able to find out where this quote came from but I
think it is a great example of how failure plays out in the grand scheme of
things. Think of success like walking. And if walking is a bad example for you,
for people of all abilities, think of this as flying for birds, or swimming for
fish, they must do it, just as you must succeed.
Thanks for listening, I am CheRae and I am on my way to
physical, financial, and personal goals. Thank you!
Sources:
Sources:
Views on Fasting
Grocery shopping on a budget
Failure
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFf6rhcYkXw
Will Smith video
How to deal with failure
Learn to cook
De-clutter / minimalism
Sunday, January 28, 2018
Realism
Hey!
Wanna listen instead of read? check out:
Hopefully you heard/read the last topic on Encouragement and are
now tuning in to get the latest from me on realistic goals. If you haven’t
heard the Encouragement podcast I encourage you to go take a listen and come
back to this one. Thanks for listening this is CheRae on the Way where I am in
no position to help anyone else so I am documenting and sharing the ways I am
helping myself, to hopefully help someone else. Crazy right?
Alright, realists are the friends that you need. ‘Future you’
loves realists, current you will almost always see them as party poopers. They
are the people that will tell you that maybe your girlfriend isn’t right for
you and that maybe you should go to the gym to help with your anger
issues. Those friends. So how much stake
should we put in our realistic friends’ opinions?
The quote from uncertain origins (either Chinese proverb or
early 1900s magazine) says “The person who says it cannot be done, should not
interrupt the person who is doing it.” Some versions of this vary but the
premise is the same. Determine what your friend’s motivations are first. If
they seem to be to get you to eventually quit all together then maybe seek some
encouragement elsewhere. Or if they are only poking holes in your plan in some
areas they may just be getting you to think it all the way through and yes you should
listen to them.
The next step in goal creation is being realistic about it.
I wasn’t really sure how my podcast would play out but I know that sometimes my
full time job requires crazy hours and I probably wouldn’t be able to devote a
lot of time to making podcasts. Also one of my goals is to get a degree soon
and schoolwork with a full time job will definitely not allow for an everyday
podcast. But I may be able to post bi
weekly or even monthly. Realistic goals. I plan to keep them. Will I? Who knows
but I hope I do.
My next realistic goal that I need to accomplish is that if
I plan to get my degree I have got to get better at math. So my amazing
boyfriend got me math books and is willing to stoop down to my basic math level
and help me. He is a chemical engineer by the way so he is really good with
numbers. In addition, I would also like to become a regular after work gym
goer. I am privileged to have a free gym and a smart boyfriend on hand to help
with these two goals but I must still be realistic about time commitments and
my own willpower. So let me say this you may not have someone to help you and
you may not have a free gym or free anything given to you. But I want you to
know that your success will mean that much more. Please don’t succeed in
silence post the days you knock out 5 pushups in the morning before work and
the nights where you watched a 3 minute Youtube video on how to solve simple
algebraic equations. These are the little successes that matter when you are
bettering yourself. If the odds are against you that is even more reason to try
to succeed extravagantly and watch the world stare in awe of you.
When someone points out an obstacle in the way of your goal
they could just be a realist, and you that obstacle although is not a reason to
quit is something to take in to consideration.
I have started tracking all my expenses on an excel
spreadsheet hoping to do it for all of 2018, but the realist in me is saying
let’s just try and do it completely and honestly for a month. I got the idea
from the Optimal Finance Daily podcast. Please check that one out as well, the
podcast reads from financial blogs who have the experience to keep you
financially smart and the podcasts are short 5-8 minutes. Maybe that’s an
advantage to you I tend to always want more of that awesome podcast. Check it
out! And then check back in with me to see how I am coming along with my
finance tracking. I’m CheRae and I’m on my way.
Supporting Documents:
3 minute math
10 minute workout
Monday, January 1, 2018
Unwittingly destroying the future
January 1, 2018 check out the podcast by copying and pasting or clicking the link below It's only ood for 90 days!
http://www.buzzsprout.com/144178
Also, don't judge me too hard I totally get the web address for my blog wrong. I even SPELL it out, wrong. Great start to 2018, No one is perfect! Well I am learning everyday. Thanks for joining me as I go on my way!
As mentioned in the episode here are some links that keep the conversation and topic going:
http://www.buzzsprout.com/144178
Also, don't judge me too hard I totally get the web address for my blog wrong. I even SPELL it out, wrong. Great start to 2018, No one is perfect! Well I am learning everyday. Thanks for joining me as I go on my way!
As mentioned in the episode here are some links that keep the conversation and topic going:
http://www.apa.org/education/ce/psychology-encouragement.pdf
Can't listen right now here is the text:
Can't listen right now here is the text:
January 1st! and the first podcast of Rae on the
Way! Okay so that sounds dramatic but here is my premise. If you kill the
excitement someone has to create you are denying the future of great
possibilities. This is assuming of course that the idea does not harm anyone.
Including the person whose idea it is. If the idea is self harming it is just
as bad or maybe worse. There was an experience lately where someone shared a
very vulnerable and risky idea with someone she thought she could trust. The
other person listened while he busied himself with other menial tasks, but made
sure to make eye contact throughout. Then decided to respond when there was
silence for a little while, “So what would you call this podcast?” it was a
flat drab tone that clearly said that he didn’t think it was a good idea. She
shrunk a little with her shoulder folding in, and shrunk to nothing inside. She
gathered the courage to speak, “Well, I don’t know yet, but, I think that I
would talk about things that could possibly help people.” Then there was
silence, nothing but silence, as he decided to scroll through his phone. No
other comments were given. So she decided to go to sleep, and realized that
maybe her idea was not such a good one.
Now you may be
thinking “I am sure her podcast may have been okay but if the world goes
without it I doubt the future would be destroyed.” You are right. But now we
will never know. I postulate for you the idea of when Edison was inventing the
lightbulb if his wife had walked in on him on the 200th time
attempting to get the lightbulb to work. Edison with an inventive excitement stands
up and exclaims “Next time for sure!” His wife looks at him, does not smile,
and nods very melancholy. Then leaves the room. Would Edison still have sat
down and tried again? I hope so. But psychology seems to tell us something
different. In this completely fictional story of Edison and his wife there is a
critical moment where encouragement was needed and it wasn’t received. So let’s
start with the idea of encouragement, and find out why we need it. Brainyquote.com
quotes Thomas Edison as saying “I have not failed, I have just found 10,000
ways that won’t work.”
Oxford Dictionary
Encouragement - The action of giving
someone support, confidence, or hope.
Persuasion to continue something.
The act of trying to simulate the development
of an activity , state, or belief.
I personally think that the last definition
is why encouragement is so important to me. Because it stimulates a belief in
that person. If that person brings up an idea and it is denounced as stupid or
not acknowledged at all then they will not continue to even try to contribute
to the world. They have been given the belief that their ideas do not matter
and that their ideas are somehow less than worthy of being heard. When you are
telling a child that they can be a Cowboy, astronaut, motorcycle rider when
they grow up, you are encouraging their willingness to pursue their dreams. What’s
the worst that could happen? They either actually become a Cowboy-astronaut-motorcycle
rider or they will ride their motorcycle to astronomy class while farming cattle
on the weekend. Or more realistically they will start school and realize they
like one particular subject more than the others and pursue that.
But let’s play devil’s advocate, the reason
some people are hesitant to encourage people is because they don’t want them to
be disappointed. Or maybe they fear what was earlier mentioned that they may
harm themselves or others. The last I think no one can argue that that is a
good call. But if that is your fear, I would suggest attempting to encourage
the good parts of their idea. Maybe you can encourage taking some astronaut
classes first, then some cowboy classes after if the kid id still interested.
You are encouraging while still allowing them to pursue their dreams. Sometimes
people have to pursue their dreams in a different way than they expected but it
doesn’t mean their idea is stupid. The person who wants to open a restaurant
should probably start with selling food online and to friends and neighbors
then save up for a food stand, then a food truck, then a maybe a restaurant.
Most great ideas cannot happen overnight and as long as the person who has the
idea understands that, then there shouldn’t be any problem.
In response to the avoiding disappointment
reason. I say never shield yourself from life, even the bad parts of it.
Because that’s what makes the human experience awesome. Crappy times with great
people create the best bonds and memories. Learning how to deal with bad times
also make you a better person and more equipped for future challenges.
So back to the clickbait title, yes I think
when you stifle someone’s belief in themselves they begin to stop trying new
things. They stop creating because they feel their ideas are stupid. They stop
trying because last time they failed and no one encouraged them to go on. What
great leaders are we missing out on because someone was discouraging? Take a
look at the link when you get a chance to see all the famous people who failed
spectacularly. If no one encouraged them to go on, or if they didn’t encourage
themselves to go on, then the world would be a very different place. Encourage
people and don’t unwittingly destroy something awesome in the future.
I am not saying that everyone has to be an
encouraging bucket of smiles and “You can do it’s” we all need a reality check
sometimes. If the idea in the example in the beginning was to quit her job and
start talking into her Iphone microphone. Then maybe her plan needed to be
fleshed out a little but offering advice on how to accomplish something is much
better than just stating that the idea is bad. Also I have been on the other
side where I was the one who felt like I had to tell someone their idea was not
the best. So I looked for the positive:
“Pursuing your dream as an actor would be
amazing and you are incredibly talented. But instead of quitting and moving to
New York try making a name for yourself locally first. Then you will have a
very impressive resume when you get to New York.”
Maybe the girl who wanted to start a podcast
could start with journal entries of what she thinks her podcast would be about.
This helps everyone involved. So in conclusion, If it is not harmful (to
themselves or others) and it’s realistic then try to be encouraging.
Encouragement could mean the difference between candles and lightbulbs.
I believe it is better to fail having tried than
to fail to try. Because Failure is an amazing teacher.
The next episode will be about Realism. How
to be realistic about your goals.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)